School Days Roller Coaster

As summer's last free nights fade into the distance, I find myself dreading the return to the great School Year Roller Coaster ride. 

     Last weekend, my family went to Beach Bend park. I have never loved a roller coaster. I don't like the dips, turns, or drops. Not to be outdone by my five-year old and not wanting to miss out on the "fun," I did venture to ride the Mouse Chase. As it crept up, up, up, I felt my knuckles turn white as I gripped. On the first turn, I squealed and on the one big drop, I flat out screamed. By the end of the ride, I found myself aching to get off just as my five-year old said, "Let's do it again!"

     The school year is much like the roller coaster. In August, we will begin our ascent, slowly. Activities will start kicking into gear and routines will start to be established. The wheels will begin clicking as school supplies are purchased, morning alarm clocks break your morning slumber, and children fight bedtimes.

     September brings the first small dip and squeal because the pace picks up. Homework starts with a vengeance and suddenly weeks are full with extra-curricular activities. Friday night lights bring communities together to cheer on their favorite teams.  Perhaps, there is a Homecoming week with parades and festivities.  School spirit brings excitement to the school, the community, and our homes.

     The beginning of October brings a break, much like the calm that comes after that first dip. After the calm, though, come twists and turns that could not be expected.....papers become due, tournaments ramp up, and Christmas play practices begin.  Lunches get harder to pack:  "Mom, I have had peanut butter three times this week!"  

     The greatest dips come with November and December. If you find yourself screaming at this point of the ride, don't worry....it is normal. Take all of the rush of school and add holidays, travel, meal planning, and preparation to "make things happen!"  Just as December ends, there is a nice break with family activities and some rest. When you start feeling just a little rested, someone says, "Let's do it again!" So, the ride starts all over with the return from winter break. 

     This year, regardless of the twists and turns, I hope to find myself enjoying the ride.  After all, this part of the journey will not last forever and if I am not careful, I could miss it!

"The Best Day Ever"

   When I woke up recently one morning at the beach, the rain was coming down in sheets outside my door.  It was thundering and lightning and looked like it would be a literal wash out.  I refreshed the weather app no less than 50 times to see when the rain would pass.  By 10, we were all ready to go out and the rain had slackened to just a nice steady rain.

   My youngest daughter and I ventured out first.  Just as we crossed over into the sand, the rain picked up to a downpour and we got under one of the shelters nearby.  She became afraid and wanted to turn around.  However, we stayed and waited.  The rain slowed again and we began to walk along the water's edge.  The water washed up shell after shell, and my youngest began skipping down the water's edge picking them up.  At one point, she shouted, "This is the BEST day ever!"  When my oldest joined us with her dad (and umbrellas), she was amazed at the number of shells she could find.  She noted that they had to have been pushed up to the beach by the storm and the fact that there was no one else on the beach as we walked.  She felt as though she had first dibs.

   When I saw the rain that morning, I braced myself for a day of games and staying inside.  When it became clear that we could go onto the beach in the rain, I thought it would be tolerable at best.  However, what I thought would be just ok became memorable through the eyes of my daughters.  What I thought would be just ok was better than ok because we decided to venture out into the rain.

    This is life, isn't it?  Sometimes, we become so afraid of what could go wrong that we miss all of the really wonderful things that are happening around us.  Sometimes, the rain clouds hover so that we don't recognize the "best" things that are happening to us.  Sometimes, we forget the promise, "for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and to not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11) because we only see the things that are hard happening to us.  Sometimes, the best plans just don't unfold quite the way we envisioned them; but when we wait through them, we find "better than expected" before us.  Sometimes, in the midst of the "worst days ever," we can find those moments that are truly the "best."  Sometimes, even, it takes the storm to realize "the best."

     Perhaps, the storms show us to value what we have a little more.  Perhaps, the storms help us appreciate the really good times.  Or, perhaps the storms center us in this world that is full of storms.  May we be willing to find the best in spite of ourselves!

Friendship Musings

   

    My oldest daughter and I are having repeated conversations about friendship.  What does it mean to be a friend, how can you tell a true friend, and the different kinds of friends have peppered our conversations for several years now.  Most recently, the conversation started after a Sunday School lesson where they talked about how true friends are always consistent and supportive (teachers, this may not have been the entirety of the lesson, but it is what we got at home).  After this lesson, my daughter was upset because she noticed that, at her age, this is not always true.  Watching her eyes fill with tears as she shared the struggles of elementary friendships took me back to my own days of elementary school.

   Making friends did not come easy to me.  I came from a house with rules and I was a parent-pleaser.  I was the child who came home and told my mom everything that took place in social settings - this does not win friends.  I also did not have the knowledge that others my age had.  We didn't listen to pop radio; we grew up listening to oldies, so I can sing a Beach Boys Song with the best of them.  We were not allowed to watch PG-13 movies until we were 13.  We were limited on the tv shows that were acceptable:  no Golden Girls, Roseanne, or 90210 at our house.  While you would think that this made me upset (and yes, there were some episodes of each of these shows that got snuck in at times), I really didn't care.  I found that I liked the Beach Boys and the Beatles better than pop music. I read lots of books and played outside, so I rarely felt like I was missing any tv episodes.  However, I remember the looks from friends when they "couldn't believe that I didn't know that!"

     In addition to this, I learned early the reality that girls (I can only speak about girls because I didn't have a brother and I don't have a son) can be mean.  The movie Mean Girls did not come about because of the "Pollyannas" who live around us; rather, it is a movie that was popular because it reflects a certain reality about how girls relate to one another.  There can be a pettiness, jealousy, and meanness that cuts to the core of girl friendships.  Girls look for where they stack up against others and they do this often by cutting other people down.

   Fast forward some 30+ years and as an adult, I have found changes in how I relate to friends around me.  I have learned that there are seasons for friendships and there are even types of friendships.  As I think of my circle of friends, I find myself recognizing these different categories.  The categories look something like this:  the fun friend, the seasonal friend, the common interest friend, the somewhere in the middle friend, the soul friend.  Note:  some friends fit into multiple categories.

   The fun friend is that friend who makes plans, gets you out of your house, has cook outs and other events that you look forward to participating in with other people.  It is the fun friend that will make you laugh until you cry.  It is the fun friend that can pull you out of your head and ensure that you enjoy life.  The fun friend is the person you call when you want a day trip or a night out.  The fun friend may not be able to go in all of the truly "hard" places, but they do know the importance of laughter.  They are an important friend.

   The seasonal friend is just that - a friend for a season.  As we grow, our place in life also changes.  Sometimes, there are friends who cannot (for whatever reason) move through each of those places with us.  Perhaps they are a friendship of convenience - you work together, live near each other, go to school together.  However, when the convenience ends or when life changes, this friend shifts into almost more of an acquaintance.  They may shift from sharing your deepest secrets to sharing your Facebook statuses.  They have an important part of your life though because they were a person you called on for a season.

   The common interest friend is the friend that you call because you hold similar hobbies.  These are the people that you ride motorcycles with, if that is your thing.  They are the people that you golf with, if that is your thing.  They are the people you run with or work out with, if that is your thing.

    There are the friends that fall somewhere in the middle.  These are the friends that you can share with, you know they will go a certain distance with you, they are fun, and they are truly special.  They are important to you because they meet you somewhere in the middle of surface and "soul."  I am grateful for my somewhere in the middle friends because they round me out, force me to look at the world at little differently, and show me truths.

    Then, there are those few friends that are your "Soul Friends."  These are the friends that would cross mountains for you.  They know your heart.  They call you when you don't even know you needed them to call.  They sit with you when you are sick and they go with you through your deepest fears.  They don't budge.  As a matter of fact, they keep coming back from more.  They challenge you and make you become a better version of you.  These are the friends who do not know the bounds of time, distance, or space.  Hopefully, you are able to reciprocate this.  There can't be many of these friends because this is the "all in" friend.  This is the person you call with good news or bad news and ultimately their friendship crosses into something much more like family than friends.  Quite frankly, these are the friends you aren't sure you can be "you" without.

   As I reflected on these friendships in my life, I found myself returning to Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times."  When I was in college, I was blessed with a group of 6 friends.  As we moved our different ways, we held onto these words, "a friend loves at all times."  I realized, though, that I was applying these words to them and not checking them on myself.  When I look at the people around me and the friendships that I have, am I being the "friend who loves at all times?"  Or, am I getting so stuck in my own head that I fail to be that friend.

     My mom has always said that the "best way to have a friend is to be one."  (I know these words didn't start with her, but she said them, so I will give her credit).  Perhaps, that is the lesson my 10-year old daughter and my 39-year old self needs to hear the most.  Perhaps, rather than looking at what people do or don't do; how they act or don't act, the true question lies with me.  How do I treat those around me?  Am I a friend?

A Space

   
     This morning, I grabbed my cup of coffee, my computer and a few of my thoughts.  Summer mornings are good for sipping coffee on my back porch and listening to the world around me come to life.  Slowly, cars began moving, dogs began barking, and thoughts began awakening.  There are few times of the year where life slows like it does in the summer to allow my brain to wake up and take in the world around me.

      So, I decided to start this space.  It will be a space for me to share words when they come.  I may post regularly or it may be quite sporadic.  Some posts may be profound and others may just be my musings about life.  However, I needed the space.  I needed the space that would be separate from my memories with my family because sometimes musings don't need to be included in the family "blog" book.  I needed a space where I could sit, write, question and reflect.

    As I thought about this need for space, I was struck by how that is true in everything.  Whether it is creative or time intensive, space must be given.  Sometimes we need space to think or to process.  Sometimes I can make up my mind quickly about an issue but other times, I need that space to let the idea or the concern soak in so that I can make a good decision.  Sometimes we need space to decompress - if I am going to get angry, it is usually because there is no space for me.  Sometimes we need space to cool down.

    Space also comes in the form of time.  With space, there must be time for the thinking or the decompressing or the cooling off to occur.

     Writing is no different.  In order for me to write, I must find time where there are no distractions, but I also need space.  I need space where my words can flow and where I can keep them for my own.  So, I am creating this space.  I have titled it "When I Wonder" because that is what it will hold....my wonderings, my questions, my musings, my thinking.   Maybe, as I wonder, question, muse, and think, I will strike a chord and others will join me in my thinking time.  I hope so.