Last Will and Testament

     Today, my husband and I made legal our "Last Will and Testament" and all of the other paperwork that I prefer not to acknowledge (such as Power of Attorney and Living Will).  It seems that since dying is part of living, it is better to have such documents prepared and ready just in case (not because we are planning to need them).  My husband is much better at looking at these things objectively.  I come into them like a tornado and leave like a rain storm.  As you can imagine, it was a fun experience to say the least.

    However, all of this planning has made me think.  If I could leave something....what would it be?  What is it that I would bequeath those I love the most?  It seems that the things that matter the most don't get covered in those documents.  They aren't even mentioned.  So, if there were to be an insanely unfortunate event that were to take me from my family in an untimely fashion, here is my true Last Will and Testament.  It is my hope that each of you knows all of these things without my passing because it is my hope that this is the way we are living.

To my daughters....
           I send you more sunshine than rain.  I would fill your world with people who will support you and who will cheer you on for whatever this life holds.

          I leave you with only our best memories - vacations, laughter, family gatherings, holidays, bike rides, parks, reading together (those are the things that fill up our photo albums if you need a place to look).  I would erase the bad memories such as cleaning your room, laundry battles, frustrations, loss, etc.  I would erase the times that I have fallen short as a mom like the times I looked at Facebook when I should have been looking at you and the times when I expected too much or too little from you.

         I leave you a bazillion hugs and kisses to cover you until I see you again.

         I give you faith.  Believe in God; believe in Jesus; believe in yourself.  Love yourself.  You are the best you that I ever knew!  I know that if you love yourself, you will only do what is best for you.  Follow advice that my mom passed on to me and Shakespeare passed on to her:  "To thine own self be true."

To my husband....
          I offer you only our good memories also.  We have packed in a few over these first 15 years and I am sure there are more to come.  I would highlight the trips to the beach, the dinners, the births of our children, and the adventure of raising them (if you are struggling to think of some).  I would erase the petty arguments, the frustrations, the times I have made you late to something, and the worries that come with living.

          I give you with the freedom to live this life to its fullest and to enjoy every piece of it.  Perhaps that would mean finding love again (but it wouldn't be as good as what we have).  I would leave you with my sincerest hopes for all of the happiness to come your way.  You would deserve it.

To my parents....
        It is hard to think of things to will to you because it seems that I am on the receiving end from you most of the time.  However, I want you to know how extremely grateful I am for all that you do for us.  I am not sure that the English language has the words that appropriately say thank you, but if they exist, I think that you should apply them to you.

        I leave you with the knowledge that you taught me how to love my family; you taught me faith; you gave me strength.  You are given the abundance of my love for you and I hope that it would carry you forward.

To my sister.....
        I leave you with the love that only a big sister can offer.  Take all the strength you need to face the unknown.  You are enough (for whenever you wonder).  I give you all of my optimism because if I am gone, I don't need it any more and you might need it.

To my mother and father-in-law,
        I echo what I said to my parents.  Thank you does not seem to capture what you do for us.  I am not sure what I can leave you except for my undying gratitude and the blessing that I have of being part of your family.

To my family and friends....
         I leave you my gratitude.  Friendship is a gift that you have given and given freely.  Thank you isn't enough for what you have meant to me or been in my life.  I hope that when you think on me, you find yourself smiling as you think back to our adventures, talks, and lives together.  I leave you our memories and I ask you to share them with my children.  Let them know who I was and help keep that alive for them.

Our formal documents will cover the necessities, but living and dying are so much more than the words on those pages.  The sum of a life cannot be captured in a will and the things that I want for each of you cannot be granted in those lines.

When we think of "wills," we think of all of the things we leave behind.  I am sure that my family will enjoy sorting through those things, but the reality is that they don't mean much when sized up next to life.  So, on the off chance that my will needs reading before I would like it to be read (you know in 100 years), I leave this to accompany those documents.

Now, I need to find a witness to sign this.